I was cooking a nice dinner - for the first time in a VERY long time it didn't start with a frozen box - with the Toddler and Infant hanging out in the kitchen with me. The Toddler was mid-tantrum about not being allowed to eat the piece of chocolate she was clutching in her slimy little hand. I timidly opened the oven with the (incredibly stupid) presumption that my little Sociopath was far enough away to do any serious damage. The 450 degree oven with garlic bread toasting away was now open. The Infant started becoming irritated by the yelling of The Toddler, as was I, so I finally said to her, "If you can't be nice, walk away." To which she replied,
"FINE, NASTY MOMMY!!!!!"
And she chucked poor Barbie towards me and right into the open oven.
I gasped and started scrambling for a rescue device. I was trying hard to focus, as if this melting, charring plastic toy has a beating heart, amid the screams of The Toddler:
"MOMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!! BARBIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! SHE'S GONNA BURN UP!!!!!!!"
She is now running, rather shuffling, in her Cinderella high heels and prettiest princess dress, from room to room screaming:
"MOMMY SHE'S CRYING!!!!!! HELP HER MOMMMMYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!"
So I tried tongs.
I tried a pot holder.
I tried a towel.
Nothing could reach her frying hair.
I looked at the tear-stained face of my screaming kid. I mumbled obscenities under my breath. I quickly glanced towards the wine rack. And then I did it.
I held my breath and reached into the extremely hot oven to save poor Barbie.
Her little, plastic hand clung to me. Not because she wanted to, but because she began to melt to my skin.
And I hastily removed her from the crematory.
|My Battle Scars|
After giving Barbie a cool down and running water over my burned hand, I explained to The Toddler what had just happened, the dangers of playing near the oven, the blah blah blah Mommy stuff I'm supposed to do and then I poured a giant glass of wine and told her to leave the kitchen. Without hesitation, she walked away and said,
"Ok, Mommy. I'll just finish my chocolate over here then."